Deflecting Bill Simmons' Rocks

The people who put together the People's Pigskin have been fans of Bill Simmons (aka "The Sports Guy") since he was writing over at Digital City. In fact, if you've missed any of his Vegas journals, you owe it to yourself to take a look at them in his archive.

You'll also find plenty of columns about fantasy football. Today, under the headline "Throwing rocks in fantasy football pool," Simmons offered his latest plan for shaking up a game where "We do things pretty much exactly the same way" as we did a decade ago. It's funny how chess is essentially the same game it was when Benjamin Franklin was playing it, but fantasy football needs an update.

Most of Simmons' column is as funny and insightful as anything he's ever published, even if it does come close to violating his own "150-minute rule" (if you're going to spend more than that much time on anything, you better have a rock-solid reason). However, his recommendations for shaking up fantasy football leave something to be desired. Here are the main recommendations, along with some counterpoints.

1. "Everyone agrees on a Universal Fantasy System"

Longtime readers of the People's Pigskin may have already figured out that I enjoy beer. In fact, I prefer beers on the Guinness end of the spectrum. However, I'm not arrogant enough to expect everyone to like Guinness as much as I do. You might think it is too bitter for human consumption. That's fine. I'll sip my Guinness and allow you to drink your Coors Light (which I wouldn't drink if my esophagus were on fire), and we'll both have a good time. That's why any bar worthy of the name has more than one beer tap.

It's the same way with fantasy football. So far this summer, I've signed up for three fantasy leagues, and I plan to sign up for at least one more. (More details on that in a later post.) I like having choices about how teams are set up, how points are distributed and how ties and championships are determined. Making everyone play the same way wouldn't help fantasy football. It would stifle innovation.

2. "Everyone switches to an auction format"

To continue the beer metaphor, liking Guinness doesn't stop me from sampling new beers. Likewise, I've never been part of an auction draft, but I wouldn't mind trying one out. One reason: "Someone like Chris Johnson goes to the highest bidder instead of someone who just lucked out by pulling an ace from a deck of cards."

3. "Keepers"

Simmons recommends a system that would allow fantasy players to keep some of their players for up to four seasons at a time. You have to pay a little more each year -- this recommendation is based on an auction draft -- and after season 2, you have to decide whether to keep the player for the next two seasons. (No dropping the player after season 3.) If only the New York Jets could to this.

4. "Safe words"

Simmons wants us to pick a word to shout out to stop someone from telling a boring fantasy story. Not only do I agree with him on this, but I'm one step ahead of him. I already have a word for such situations. I find that "SHUTTHE****UP" works just fine.

5. "Menage A Trois Week"

No,  Simmons has not been sharing ideas with Kim Kardashian again. He's suggesting that several weeks of the fantasy season should feature matchups involving three teams instead of two. You versus two opponents, with one team getting a win and two teams getting a loss.

One problem: Fantasy players don't need yet another way to lose. The Brian Westbrooks of the world are giving us enough opportunities to lose needlessly as it is.

6. "The Backgammon Cube"

I'm not even going to try to explain this idea, except to say that it involves both escalating double-or-nothing bets and the chance to concede the week's matches before they're over. And to say that it's a way to drive any league's commissioner to slit his/her wrists.

The best conclusion to draw from all this: If ESPN.com is featuring something like this on its front page, how long can it be until we're watching games that count?

By the way, the lineup polls will close soon. Please vote now. We'll be back with the results.

When Does Football Season Start Again?

If you're a fantasy football fan, the answer is "It's started already! Where have you BEEN?"

Last week the People's Pigskin received an invitation to  join a league for the upcoming NFL season. And this week, your local stores have received its first shipment of (drumroll, please) fantasy football preview magazines.

The People's Pigskin will offer some in-depth reviews of the major magazines over the summer. But for now, it's time to ask one major question: Why print your fantasy preview less than a week after Memorial Day? Bear in mind that as I type this:

* Brian Westbrook is still looking for a National Football League team to call home for this season.

* So is Terrell Owens.

* Vincent Jackson has yet to sign his contract tender from the San Diego Chargers and is reportedly making veiled threats about skipping this season altogether.

* And if you have any insight as to what Brett Favre plans to do between now and Christmas, do everyone a favor and let the Minnesota Vikings know, because they don't seem to have the first clue.

Has any of this uncertainty convinced the fantasy "experts" that maybe they should wait to put out their magazines? Here's a snippet from ESPN's fantasy preview, one of the first ones out of the gate, about how their experts compiled their player rankings for the 2010 season:

"A mere two days after the NFL draft, our stable of fantasy experts sequestered themselves in a bright-but-windowless room in Bristol HQ, next door to the 'War Room,' where ESPN's pro analysts gather to watch the games on Sunday."

The NFL draft ended on April 24. That means the ESPN experts were compiling their rankings on April 26 -- a mere four months and two weeks before the start of the regular season.

I'm not saying you should take your brand-spanking-new fantasy previews and use them to mulch your garden. But I am saying that if you take them to your fantasy draft, you should take along a salt shaker, because you may need to take their advice with more than a grain of salt.

We'll be back with a peek at this week's NASCAR venue.

Behind the People's Loss

The People's Pigskin needed the Baltimore Ravens defense/special teams to come up small against the Cleveland Browns on Monday night. They didn't, and as a result, the Internet's favorite fantasy football team lost by a score of 104-84 to Big Lough O, lowering the season record to  4-6. Here's the breakdown.

Kurt Warner, QB. The stats: 29 of 38 passing, 340 yards, 2 touchdowns and 21 fantasy points. Warner remains the straw that stirs the Arizona Cardinals. But as we'll see in a moment, he's getting some help.

Matt Forte, RB. The stats: 20 rushes for 41 yards, 8 receptions for 120 yards and 16 fantasy points. Lost in the tumult over Jay Cutler's performance was the fact that Forte put up solid numbers and did not turn the ball over.

Chris "Beanie" Wells, RB. The stats: 16 rushes for 85 yards, 2 receptions for 32 yards, 2 touchdowns, and 23 fantasy  points. A tremendous call by you, the Internet, to put Wells in our starting lineup. He started the year as a backup, but now he's earning at least equal time in the backfield with Tim Hightower. And you have to love it when the guy you just put into the lineup is being called a "big weapon."

T.J. Houshmandzadeh, Flex. The stats: 9 receptions, 165 yards and 16 fantasy points. T.J. continues to be a frequent target for the Seattle Seahawks, and his targets may rise even higher if Julius Jones misses significant time with his lung injury. (And to tell you the truth, "lung injury" is painful even to type.)

Greg Jennings, WR. The stats: 4 receptions, 45 yards and 4 fantasy points. The Green Bay Packers say Jennings suffered a knee contusion in Sunday's game against the Dallas Cowboys. He may miss practice time, but he's expected to be ready to play against the San Francisco 49ers.

Chad Ochocinco, WR. The stats: 2 receptions, 29 yards and 2 fantasy points. Chad goes from facing the Pittsburgh Steelers to facing the Oakland Raiders. We'll have to hope his numbers benefit from the switch.

Jeremy Shockey, TE. The stats: 3 receptions, 42 yards and 4 fantasy points. The New Orleans Saints flirted with disaster against the St. Louis Rams, and Shockey paid the price. Drew Brees threw two interceptions, and Shockey was the target both times.

Nick Folk, K. The stats: 1 missed field goal, 1 extra point and 0 fantasy points. The Dallas Cowboys were shut down most of the day (scoring only a garbage time touchdown), so Folk got few opportunities.

Philadelphia Eagles, D/ST. The stats: 2 sacks, 31 points allowed and minus-2 fantasy points. The team that entered week 10 ranked second in fantasy points got pummeled by the San Diego Chargers. One factor was Philadelphia's inability to run, and that concern could be a permanent one if Brian Westbrook can't bounce back from his concussions.

Bench. Nate Washington scored 9 fantasy points. Jamal Lewis (who was benched in favor of Wells) scored 3. The San Francisco 49ers defense/special teams, who I thought would draw at least one trade offer during bye weeks, scored 17.

We'll be back tomorrow with our game plan for week 11.